I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
our cab driver is having phone sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
