Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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