I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
