guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
