My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
