I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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