I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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