Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
