Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
