Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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