He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
