You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
