i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
