The maid of honor just puked.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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