Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
