Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
