Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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