just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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