Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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