At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
