...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
