I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
