there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They have beer where we have blood.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
