What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
