And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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