the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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