I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
