wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
