forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
