if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
