My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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