Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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