Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
