I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
