hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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