Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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