Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
