Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
