I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
