i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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