You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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