Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
