I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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