I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
