So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
