I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
