I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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