You made me cry and you don't even care
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
