I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
