i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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